Monday, May 9, 2011

Yes We Can

I love it whenever my country makes it into the world news. Loved it when Jimmy Choo, Ling Tan, Michelle Yeoh and Zang Toi made it big out there in the world. Makes me feel so proud of my country everytime I see sentences such as "So-and-so is a New York-based Malaysian fashion designer", or "So-and-so is a Malaysian fashion designer based in London, United Kingdom". My country has so many talented people!!

My country also recently made it into a popular British daily. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that huge icon for me to click on to bring me to that particular news article about my country...

I thought news of Shirley's chain-smoking habit was just gonna stay within the confines of those Malaysian dailies and not go viral all the way to the UK.

Picture above: Shirley's gobsmackingly awesome picture published by The Star on 2 May 2011. Shirley's smoking style could rival those that of her fellow primates of another kind...

Picture above: "Fellow primates of another kind"

The news from UK's The Daily Mail begins with "A trip to the zoo should fill any animal fan with a sense of joy wonder, but in Malaysia the experience inspires revulsion".

Did you see that? Huh, huh? Did you see my country name?

"Crocodiles struggle in waterless enclosures while lions and tigers are trapped in boxes barely big enough to house them, leaving no room to roam around".

There's also another sentence in that article that says "The government-run zoo in Johor Baru has erected a 'no smoking' sign but that will do precious little to stop the sad practice while attendants turn their backs on it".

Psst, Daily Mail Reporter, whoever you are. I've got news for you...... Monkeys can't read "no smoking" signs, especially those who ride on cheap motorcycles and snatch handbags from innocent women.

If you type "snatch theft" in Wikipedia, you'll be directed to a Wiki write-up that gives special mention to Malaysia. I've uploaded that page here in case someone edits that page after this for certain censorship purposes.

I foresee a budget of RM100 billion very soon to renovate and beautify these zoos- RM10 billion for each zoo. It will be a large-scale 10-year plan with renovation and construction taking place simultanesouly at all 10 zoos. Upon completion, zoo visitors will get to visit and play in the most high-tech zoos in the world. Launching date: 20.2.2020.

It seems a new law was passed last October for our zoos to "clean up their act" in 6 months, but when the deadline passes, "there will have been shamefully little progress made".

"The government makes promise after promise. They never keep any of them, but I will hold their feet to the fire until they do." (Sean Whyte, Nature Alert)

Sean Whyte, you're da man!! Good try though.

My girl, Shirley <3

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Roc & Roe

The past whole week had been quite eventful.

Prince William is finally married. From the cute little boy whose late mother had doted on him so much to this almost-bald gentleman that he is today, the journey of his life has been very interesting thus far. Can’t wait to see how his kids look like (might not be too long a wait).

I can’t believe Osama bin Laden is dead… again. I thought I read from somewhere that he died 10 years ago. Nevermind. Whatever. Not like the world is getting any better with him dead and gone. Just don't want to hear that he's suddenly alive and well somewhere out there a few years from now- like some kinda predictable Hollywood movie trilogy with the superhero hailing from the United States of A.

I also can’t believe Mariah Carey just gave birth to twins and named them Moroccan Scott Cannon and Monroe Cannon. Not surprisingly, a few creative ‘uns out there soon came up with cute nicknames for those twins: Roc and Roe, Mor and Mon (MorMon).

If you Google for the word "cannon" through Google Images, you also get to see pictures of cannons and the Cannons (Mariah Carey and hubby) appearing on the same page. Not sure what images will appear if you key in "Moroccan Cannon" (I don't want to know).

I’m just glad she didn’t name her twins Moroccan Carey-Cannon and Monroe Carey-Cannon.
“Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon to the front of them”- that’s taken from the poem, ‘The Charge of the Light Brigade’, written by Lord Alfred Tennyson. That poem almost put me to sleep back in high school.

If I ever have twins next time, I’ll probably name them Malaysian and Mahathir… <3 <3 <3

Clockwise from top left: 1. Transformation towards a High-Earning Developed Country: Budget 2011; 2. "WAH! 10" comic book with cute cartoons explaining Malaysia's 10th Development Plan thingie; 3. Red button badge nicked from someone in the army during a Career Fair to recruit brave, young soldiers (he freaked out when I asked him for that badge); 4. Barisan Nasional- souvenir book with nice pics printed on glossy paper; 4. "Report Corruption"- huge almighty car sticker that can be seen from 1 mile away (get your "Report Corruption" car stickers from the nearest airport- FREE!!).

Picture above: Last page of the "WAH! 10" comic book. Kindly ignore that SUBWAY tissue paper on the right.

Picture above: List of contents page of the "WAH! 10" comic book. The story starts with 3 boys- a Malay, Chinese and Indian- visiting the Malay boy's father. Kindly ignore that strange-looking pink Beanie above the comic book.

Picture above: Two pages from the "WAH! 10" comic book depicting the wonders of Malaysia, its government and its people. Kindly ignore those two extra items above the comic book.

Back to Mariah's Moroccan Cannon:

Moroccan: Hi, I'm Moroccan.
Gustav: Weird. You don't sound Moroccan.
Moroccan: No. I'm African-American. My name is Moroccan.
Gustav: You're confusing the hell outta me. Are you from Africa, America or Morocco?
Moroccan: I'm from America, but my name is Moroccan.

Gustav: I know that already. My name is German, Gustav. What is YOUR name?

Moroccan: My name is Moroccan.
Gustav: Moroccan for what?

Moroccan: What?

Gustav: What does your name mean in Moroccan?

Moroccan: How should I know? I'm American.

Gustav: Look, buddy. Just tell me your name!!!

Moroccan: IT'S MOROCCAN!


Moroccan: IT'S MOROCCAN!!

Gustav: I DON'T CARE!!

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

- The Charge of the Light Brigade, Lord Alfred Tennyson

Saturday, April 9, 2011

For Women Only!

Oh my gosh. I’m blogging again. Must be due to boredom. Or the sudden impulse to write really ridiculous stories that not many people would want to read about.

There’s a certain country out there that has got so many insane perverts living and breathing in it that the People in Authority have had no choice but to declare that all express trains MUST have at least one coach specially designated FOR WOMEN ONLY.

Picture above: Translation- "Coach for women only"

Any created being not remotely resembling this woman creature thing in certain ways is not supposed to be in this coach specially designated FOR WOMEN ONLY.

Picture above: Spot the non-woman.

This is one amazing country where strange men can suddenly stop their cars right next to you while you’re walking alone by the roadside and have them stare at you while you stop right where you are to stare back at them before they finally drive away. This is a true story that happened to the silly girl whom I see in the mirror every day when I wake up in the morning. Don’t tell my parents about this.

This is also one awesome country where fun-loving Christian men from the Boys’ Brigade can ridicule you for not being able to defend yourself after you got harassed by a non-woman thing at a somewhat secluded area. This is also a true story that happened to my parents’ only daughter. I pray you forgive me for saying this out loud, you two particular fun-loving, church-going peeps from the Boys’ Brigade. Or you can rain down your execratory excoriation upon hapless me once again because you know I don’t talk back, whichever.

Anyway, back to this train ride scene thing.

Picture above: Spot the two non-woman creature thingie in the picture above!

Didn’t these two obviously-non-women notice anything amiss while waiting for and boarding the train? Those “FOR WOMEN ONLY” signs were practically EVERYWHERE in two different languages at the designated “FOR WOMEN ONLY” area.

Poor fellas. Wonder how they could’ve felt when they finally realized they’ve got onto the wrong coach for this train ride of a lifetime (even unluckier to be in the same coach with me standing nearby). And they could move neither left nor right because there were TOO MANY WOMEN around them. Only choice left for them was to blend in with the crowd until they got off the train.

Must've been quite an empowering, exhilarating journey for these two men in this fast-moving, expensive vehicle... surrounded by women...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My Vacation

As I slowly walked along the corridors of this building, a few people turned around to look at me, wide-eyed and curious. Their movements were awkward and a few of them would react in manners that could somehow momentarily frighten anyone who was encountering these people for the first time.

From where I was standing, everything around me almost felt like a completely different world.

It was a hot and balmy afternoon, and the ceiling fans were making strange creaky noises in the old building.

One of the rooms that I entered had me surrounded by somewhat lifeless-looking bodies staring straight at the ceiling. Many had their hands and legs tied up for their own safety. The only trace of life in them was that of the sudden twitching of their eyes.

They’ve been born that way. And most of them are the unwanted children of young mothers who had wanted to get rid of these kids through self-induced abortions that had failed (i.e.: unauthorized consumption of abortion drugs, thus affecting foetal development). Left with no other choice but to carry on with their pregnancies, these young mothers very soon left their newly-born deformed babies to be cared for by this centre. The wordQuasimodo” instantly came into mind…

In one corner of the building, a scrawny little girl sat hunched on her bed… she rocked herself to and fro, clapped her hands, bobbed her head uncontrollably and screamed… and as I approached her, she smiled, held my outstretched hand, and stopped screaming.

Picture above: Evelyn had to be constantly tied up for fear she might end up eating her own fecal matter. She wouldn’t have known what she was doing anyway.

Evelyn was eleven-years-old but she had the body of a kindergartner. As I held her, I could feel her protruding backbones against my fingers. She grabbed my fingers and started staring at them… and then she started clapping the palm of her hand against mine. She had spent her whole life on that bed and never known what was outside… Yet I hear certain psychos telling me, “You should go out more and be badder… Enjoy life more!” (Sure, I’d truly enjoy it if you’d jump off a bridge or something… hooray) \^.^/

“The people here don’t realize what they’re doing. They sometimes injure themselves. How would they know? They’re born like that. Sometimes, when they’re depressed and frustrated on their beds, they scream very loudly. But the neighbours complain and report us to the authorities…” one of the nurses said.

I didn’t know how to respond to what the nurse had said… and I wasn’t sure how many of those sensitive neighbours (who own kinda nice houses) go to churches and temples to pray on a consistent basis… I really don’t want to know…

And so it suddenly occurred to me: “Why do people who supposedly look and dress normal actually act and talk in a totally more retarded way than those who are physically and mentally less fortunate?”

Whoops, sorry. Wrong sentence. Again!


And so it suddenly occurred to me: “Thank God for all the wonderful simple things in my life…”


Stuff you have to wanna read:

1. Let’s Send the APIIT-UCTI Monsters to Hell

2. APIIT-pUCTI’s Perpetual Parking Problem

3. Spirit & Pride

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Dethroned Miss Singapore World 2009, Ris Low, (later on caught for credit card fraud) speaks:

Phua Chu Kang does it better than Ris Low:

Previous posts you wanna read- or should read:
1. Let's Send the APIIT-UCTI Monsters to Hell
2. APIIT-pUCTI's Perpetual Parking Problem
3. Spirit & Pride

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


JG is finally able to blog once again...

JG recently attended a function. JG met this guy at the function...

Channel News Asia newscaster, Steven Chia

This guy happens to be a popular news reader for Channel News Asia.

Started in 1 March 1999, Channel News Asia is a major Asian news broadcaster with programmes telecast to more than 20 Asian countries and territories.

Mr. Newscaster and I spoke to each other during the function (because it wouldn't have been polite to have just ignored everyone around me).

Being the amazingly gifted person that I am, I smiled and told Mr. Newscaster, "Oh wow, I had no idea you're a newscaster..."

Oh blimey... Did JG just say that?

Mr. Newscaster probably almost dropped dead onto the floor because JG didn't know who he was.

Then again, JG usually gets herself into somewhat strange, awkward situations (eg: happily wearing jeans into Malaysia's so-called high-class "no jeans allowed" college and getting verbally assassinated by the college's Operations Manager- read story here).

Oh well...

Friday, March 12, 2010


This blogger is currently busy with some stuff in a certain foreign country and will not be able to properly update her blog for a little while.

To all those readers and wonderful commenters who had read about my bad experience at APIIT-UCTI, thanks for dropping by- except Anthony; I hate you; go burn in hell :P