My Teenage Crush... Crushed

I used to think he was a good guy. Geeky, almost…

See how dumb and innocent he looks with that lopsided haircut and wearing that distorted-looking, shiny silver tie? All he needed was a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and he'd be no different from any other pimply, self-conscious high school nerd. He reeks of all things BORING and GEEKY. Kinda makes you think that all he does is play with balls every day and night- anytime, anywhere...

Playing with balls

But then, he DOES play with balls every day and night, anytime, anywhere, and he bloody scores too... depending on how you've interpreted the sentence above...

Team Tiger

Let's learn up some new golf terms today, shall we?

Ace = When a player hits the ball directly from the tee into the cup with one shot. Also called a “hole in one”.

Banana-ball = A slice that curves to the right in the shape of a banana. An extreme slice.

Bump and run = a low-trajectory shot that is intended to get the ball rolling along the fairway and up onto the green. Similar to a chip shot, but played from a greater distance.

Front nine = Holes 1 through 9 on a golf course.

At the rate things are going, I would say this little zinger is now caught in a sand trap.

Every few days, a scary-looking female suddenly turns up, claiming to have been played by Tiger before. One would even claim to have felt "cheated" because Tiger never bought her lunch or anything else all the while they were together, or something like that. Like, duhhh... these seemingly dumb women are not THAT dumb, I say...

There are many types of golf balls on the market, and customers often face a difficult decision. Golf balls are divided into two categories: recreational and advanced balls.

Ever heard of "used golf balls" before? Used golf balls are golf balls that have been played, most likely hit into a water hazard, then retrieved, cleaned up and resold. Used golf balls come in different gradings.

Geek and his family

Poor Sammie and Charlie (the two kids).

When they finally grow up and go to school, the chances of another kid walking up to them to say “Your daddy slept with my mummy” would be pretty high... and it's all daddy's fault.

How nice it is to have Nike provide you with freebies all the time… and you get paid millions at the same time to show off those freebies too... Sheesh, life ain't fair at times...

I wonder how the new Tiger Woods- Nike ad would sound like...

"Will it hurt my wife?
Will she feel humiliated?
Should I care what my wife feels?
Even though I'm married with two children, should I meet up with this other woman?

What would my sponsor say?

JUST DO IT!"

Tiger cubs

Indeed, go ahead and just do it. Who cares.

He was my teenage crush. I hope he dies :)

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright,
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

-William Blake, 1757-1827

Answer: Spin doctors. Tiger would need many, many spin doctors this time around to spin him out of this mess...

Read also: Big Fat Liar; Gatorade drops golfer; Brand influence; Rebranding brand Tiger; Backlash; 2010 Tiger Calendar Girls- 2 more to go; Grubby texts