Bullsh*t Accent

Today’s blog entry observes the amazing Malaysian knack of acquiring American and/or English and/or Australian accents after a long spell in these Western countries, for say... 2 weeks. It must be a gift… not.

Ever encountered such a stress-inducing person before in your life? Can’t be helped if you’ve placed yourself in a Western country. Priyanka’s instant American accent wasn’t as bad as many others that I’ve encountered before.

For sure, you need to adapt when you’re out there in those countries- somehow… But talking like that back at home to your fellow friends or any person you meet at any “mamak” stall, “pasar malam”, GIANT hypermarket, cinema, college… Get real. You’re not doing anyone any justice here. I’ve already lost count of the number of such people who had spoken like that to me before.

A very reliable Asian source from Australia taught me how to identify such blatantly laughable and fraudulent attempts by these fakers to dupe the general public into thinking, “Wow, this guy/girl got stay over the seas before, that’s why Engrish sound so off-key ETHEREALLY OTHERWORLDLY.”(translation: not normal)

This business trainer said: “If you’re 15 years old, just arrived in a Western country and intend to remain long-term in the country, your chances of acquiring a smooth Western accent are pretty high. 17-year-olds, that’s still okay if that person were to remain in the chosen foreign country for many years. But if you’re only gonna be in a Western country for your university studies, and then you fly back home to Malaysia to impress everyone with your newly-acquired foreign accent, that’s Bullsh*t Accent. From that age onwards, your mind would’ve already been programmed to automatically speak in the manner from the country you originated from. Any attempt to alter your English-speaking accent would only result in Bullsh*t Accent…”

Therefore, boys and girls, to find out if anyone’s really faking it or not, remember the points mentioned in the paragraph above.

In my opinion, Bullsh*t Accent should only be practiced on people who fake their vomit-inducing Bullsh*t Accent on you, perchance thinking you’re not able to speak like them, or have never momentarily set foot outside home-soil before.

Another reason why a person suffers from the need to speak with a foreign accent can be justified as such: Foreign Accent Syndrome has been diagnosed to be a result of either a very severe head injury or a stroke. (Source)

Dedicated to all the Asian wannabe-gangsters out there. Seriously, stop trying...